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Establishing a bond with a prospect through shared interests – such as hobbies – is a powerful way to improve your chances of them becoming a client. But what if those common interests don’t exist?
A coaching client of mine – a financial advisor – recently found an answer to this problem during his first meeting with a new prospect. I’d like to share that story with you.
The prospect was a married, 42-year-old woman employed as an executive at a large public-relations firm on the East Coast. She had three children. The advisor was in his mid-50s and divorced with grown children.
The advisor carefully followed my guidelines for meeting new prospects. He met with this potential client alone in his conference room. He didn't take notes. He made no effort to steer the conversation to himself, his firm or how his firm would invest her money if retained. Instead, he asked basic, open-ended questions in a genuine effort to get to know her.
He informed me later: "As you had instructed, I made no statements that ended with a period. All I did was ask questions."
As the conversation progressed, the prospect described how much pressure she was under as the primary breadwinner for her growing family, in addition to her roles as mother, wife and executive at a high-powered firm.
Almost as an aside, the advisor asked whether she meditated. That question clearly struck a responsive chord. She indicated meditation was something she had considered but had "never found the time to do." She then asked him questions about his experience with meditation, which he relayed to her. They discussed meditation for the balance of the hour or so allotted for the meeting. At the end of the meeting, he offered to send her a copy of a book that had influenced his decision to begin the practice of meditation. The meeting ended with no discussion of "next steps."
Shortly after the meeting, he sent her a copy of the book, Full Catastrophe Living: Using the Wisdom of Your Body and Mind to Face Stress, Pain, and Illness by Jon Kabat-Zinn. The advisor wrote a note in the front cover, simply stating that he hoped she would find the book helpful. He also noted that meditation had played a powerful role in reducing his own anxiety.
Several weeks later, she called and asked him to describe the process involved in becoming a client. He sent the papers needed to open an account, and she is now a client of his firm.
Only after she became a client did he engage her in a discussion about how he would manage her assets.
I-sharing
In a previous article, I discussed the importance that people place on finding similarity with others when attempting to reach a decision. The most obvious similarities are objective ones. It's not surprising that we are drawn to people who look like us, talk like us and worship like us. But what if, as in the case of my coaching client, those objective similarities don't exist?
In those situations, a concept known as “I-sharing” comes into play. In a fascinating study, “I-sharing” is defined as "the subjective experience of having one's self as subject merge with that of at least one other person." When you I-share with another person, you both believe (whether or not it may be accurate) that you have had a similar experience. Examples of I-sharing include going through a bitter divorce, losing a loved one, traveling to the same exotic location and dealing with the stress of raising young children.
The study found that when two people engage in I-sharing, it leads to "profound feelings of connection." The authors of the study concluded that those who repeatedly experience I-sharing moments often consider themselves "soulmates" or "kindred spirits." The authors surmised that I-sharing offers "a unique pathway toward interpersonal connectedness."
My coaching client engaged, perhaps unwittingly, in a classic case of I-sharing. In doing so, he overcame the fact that he and the prospect shared little in common. The prospect perceived him to be sympathetic, trustworthy and relatable. Those perceptions are critical in the decision-making process.
When there is no objective similarity, the failure to I-share can have a negative impact on your ability to establish a positive emotional connection with your prospect.
Look for ways to change your focus from demonstrating your expertise to I-sharing with your prospect.
Dan Solin is the director of investor advocacy for the BAM Alliance and a wealth advisor with Buckingham. He is a New York Times best-selling author of the Smartest series of books. His latest book is The Smartest Sales Book You'll Ever Read. He limits his sales coaching practice to advisory firms that advocate evidence-based investing.
Read more articles by Daniel Solin
