Photo by Jan's Archive on Unsplash
Advisor Perspectives welcomes guest contributions. The views presented here do not necessarily represent those of Advisor Perspectives
Click here to watch a video and learn more about Evidence Based Advisor Marketing.
To maximize my happiness, I need to control my state of mind. This is easier than you think.
I used to get upset when family and friends accused me of being “controlling.” I found it confusing. While I have no desire to “control” others, I admit to wanting to “control” my own life.
That’s a worthy – but elusive – goal.
What “control” means
I need to set realistic expectations. While I would love to be in total control of my life, that’s not possible.
According to Sonja Lyubomirsky, the author of The How to Happiness, 50% of my ability to be happy isn’t within my control. It’s determined by genetics. I can control about 40% of my happiness, because it’s determined by my thoughts and actions. The remaining 10% is governed by external circumstances (like inherited wealth, who we marry, etc.). I have some – but limited – control over those factors.
Here’s what I found helpful about controlling my state of mind.
Accept yourself
I’m an introvert. I enjoy being alone.
My wife is an artist. She loves to be in her studio painting.
We also enjoy being together.
As I write this, it’s Sunday morning. I’m doing exactly what I enjoy: writing. She’s in her studio, painting.
We give each other the freedom to be alone.
We both know what makes us happy. It wouldn’t change the way we interact if others told us it was “odd” or “unhealthy.”
Nevertheless, I found solace in a study by researchers from Singapore Management University and the London School of Economics. They concluded there was an inverse relationship between socializing and happiness among more intelligent people. The more you socialize, the less happy you become.
That study doesn’t say there’s anything wrong with people who really enjoy socializing.
My takeaway is that everyone should be free to control their own life, without feeling guilty or obligated to change.
Control your state of mind
Here’s an anomaly. Almost everyone is familiar with Einstein’s definition of insanity.
If we continue to engage in activities that make us unhappy, the outcome will be the same.
Controlling your state of mind sometimes involve change. Here’s an example:
I don’t like social occasions with large groups of people. I find them boring and I feel awkward and uncomfortable.
My wife shares those views, but she finds a benefit in attending certain functions for a limited period of time.
I used to accompany her, with the predictable result. I was unhappy.
Marketing Services For Evidence-Based Advisors
We offer consulting services on how to convert more prospects into clients through Solin Consulting, a division of Solin Strategic, LLC. Our evidence-based persuasion strategies have significantly increased conversion rates for our coaching clients
We offer a full range of digital marketing services exclusively to evidence-based advisors through Evidence Based Advisor Marketing, LLC (EBAM). These services include: web and content creation, video creation, production and post-production, social media consulting and e-mail marketing consulting. You can see websites we have designed, content we have drafted and videos we have produced here.
Click here to request a free, no obligation website evaluation.
For more information, please contact:
Dan Solin
[email protected]
(239) 949-1606
Schedule a call with Dan here
I no longer do that. She goes alone, stays briefly and returns home. We are both much happier because we have taken control.
Understand how the brain works
My research in psychology and neuroscience has had a profound, positive impact on my level of happiness. What I’ve found is that I can control my interactions with others, and reverse engineer a positive outcome.
By shifting the focus from talking about myself to showing a genuine interest in the other person, I’ve converted those experiences from “uncomfortable” to “pleasurable.” It’s supported by sound research.
Being in control of your state of mind is a conscious decision. It’s a commitment to change the way we think and act.
It’s a challenge with a big payoff.
Dan Solin is a New York Times best-selling author of the Smartest series of books. His latest book is The Smartest Sales Book You'll Ever Read. His sales coaching practice includes helping advisors convert prospects into clients and generating leads through videos and other elements of marketing. Dan is not affiliated with any advisory firm.
Get Dan's investing insights by signing up for his free, weekly newsletter here.
Subscribe to Dan’s YouTube investing channel here.
To be listed on our Middle America's Plan website as a Preferred Advisor who offers MAP to clients, click here.
Read more articles by Dan Solin
Advisor Perspectives welcomes guest contributions. The views presented here do not necessarily represent those of Advisor Perspectives
