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Therapists and accountants are valuable resources. They have confronted the issues we experience during our lives. I like to tap into their expertise and find out what works and what doesn’t. There are also many other benefits of therapy, like help with anxiety and depression.
But that’s not why I’m recommending you see a therapist.
Learn from their model
You can learn a lot from the therapeutic model. They get paid for their services, as do you. They offer a safe haven to divulge your deepest secrets and will accept you no matter what. They also provide the three key qualities in any healthy relationship. These qualities are:
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Accessibility: Your therapist will, absent some extraordinary circumstances, be available to see you at the appointed hour.
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Responsiveness: Your therapist isn’t just “available.” She’s “responsive” and totally focused on your issues. You can pour out your heart and ask her anything, confident she will listen, not interrupt, respond to any questions and always act solely in your best interest. Your therapist has no conflicts of interest. She doesn’t get paid more for dispensing one kind of advice over another.
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Emotional engagement: Your therapist creates an emotional bond by showing a genuine, sincere interest in what you are saying. She will ask follow-up questions and probe deeper where appropriate. She is probably unique in your relationships in the intensity of interest she demonstrates. Who else has made observations like these: Tell me more about that. How did that make you feel? Have you had similar experiences? What did you learn from that incident?
What’s remarkable?
Here’s what’s remarkable about the relationship between patient and therapist. The patient fully appreciates that the time of therapist is purchased. Part of the “deal” is buying an intense focus, combined with even more intense listening, by the therapist. It’s not uncommon for patients to develop strong, positive feelings for their therapist. When this occurs, it’s known as “transference.” Transference can include negative feelings as well.
Based on my research and experience, when positive feelings are felt by a patient toward his therapist, it is often the profound effect of having someone who cares just about them; who is not pushing any agenda; who shows them the respect of actively listening to everything they’re saying, and who treats their views as important and worthy of extensive discussion.
It’s sad this experience is so rare. In part, that should be the role of our spouse or partner, our friends, family, colleagues and others with whom we interact.
It should certainly be the foundation of the relationship between a client and the financial advisor.
Too often, it isn’t.
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Advisor Perspectives welcomes guest contributions. The views presented here do not necessarily represent those of Advisor Perspectives
