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The impulse to advance one’s interests will be self-destructive for advisors when they fail to listen carefully and demonstrate curiosity.
When I put together the research and came up with The Solin Process℠, I hoped my findings would be widely acclaimed and universally adopted. After all, the promise of The Solin Process℠ is impressive: Using it will maximize the possibility of converting prospects into clients and transform your relationships in any context – both personal and business.
I thought my recent book, Ask: How to Relate to Anyone, was what Dale Carnegie, the author of How to Win Friends and Influence People, would have written if studies using functional MRI were available to him in 1936.
Carnegie’s book has sold over 30 million copies.
I’d settle for a fraction of that.
I’m not complaining. I’ve been gratified by the impact the lessons in The Solin Process℠ have had on advisors, but I’ve reflected on why a wider audience has eluded me.
Here are my observations.
A double-edged sword
The underlying lesson in The Solin Process℠ is showing a sincere interest in others by asking open, appropriate questions, and letting the conversation go wherever the prospect wants to take it.
When you do this, you will engage the other person and cause “happiness hormones” (dopamine and oxytocin) to flood into the pre-frontal cortex of their brain.
However, this can be a double-edged sword.
While they are enjoying the interaction, you are required to listen carefully. In stark contrast to the neurochemical response in the brain of the person speaking (especially about themself), listening patiently can release the same neurochemicals as physical pain.
You have to be highly motivated to give up the pleasure of talking.
I thought increasing your conversion rate would provide sufficient motivation. For many, it’s not enough.
Misuse of social media
There’s a massive amount of misinformation about the use of social media to attract business. It is driven by the innate difficulty people face in being good listeners, versus how easy it is for them to express opinions.
I see endless examples of advisors using social media to self-promote, in ways ranging from blatant to not-so subtle.
There’s a secret to making it effective. It involves understanding the difference between “meformers” and “informers.”
“Meformers” focus content on themselves. They believe their social media contacts are concerned about different aspects of their work, their achievements, and their personal lives.
“Informers” use social media differently. They are motivated to share information of interest to their followers. They often generate and share original content. They may comment on posts unrelated to their business.
They are open to discussing new ideas, concepts, and experiences.
Meformers have only half the number of followers as informers.
One study (discussed here) found that 80% of social media users are meformers, and only 20% are informers.
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Lack of curiosity
Do you ever have the feeling that you could say the most startling thing and the other person might react as if they never heard you?
In my experience, the one trait that correlates positively with business success and healthy relationships is curiosity.
An article in Forbes noted: “The person who knows and tells but lacks the humility to be curious, learn and grow will find themselves irrelevant and lacking critical skills and perspectives needed to thrive in the modern era.”
Children have a natural curiosity. Our educational system works tirelessly to diminish it by discouraging questions and non-conformity.
Create a goal of becoming a more curious person.
The Forbes article validates the importance of asking questions as part of this process.
That’s the essence of The Solin Process℠.
Dan trains executives and employees in the lessons based on the research of his latest book, Ask: How to Relate to Anyone. His online video course, Ask: Increase Your Sales. Deepen Your Relationships, will be available November 1, 2021.
Read more articles by Dan Solin
Advisor Perspectives welcomes guest contributions. The views presented here do not necessarily represent those of Advisor Perspectives.
