How to Deal with a Jerk

If they weren’t hopeful you could change, they wouldn’t make the effort to say the mean words in the first place. They would have just ignored you, fired you, or never responded to your email – all of which would have been much easier.

Meanness is exhausting

Being mean is exhausting. Very few bullies can keep it up for long; that is why if you stay calm and logical, a bully is easily worn down. Mean people are usually not that patient to begin with and they give up after a few attempts to wound you.

Meanness is a point of raw vulnerability

Meanness and honesty are often confused for each other. In the moment when someone is being mean, they are communicating their raw emotion.

There’s something pure about being mean. Even though the emotion is not in your favor, it is the emotion they truly feel deep down inside, one they normally hold back due to social constructs. In a weird way, it comes from the heart. They are vulnerable and exposed; they aren’t masking or filtering.

That is why if you can reverse it, you have the potential to win their heart over.

How to fight a bully and win the sale… nicely

Here’s how I handled a few mean people, and made it work in my favor.

1. Bullied during a meeting

There was this one sales meeting a while ago with me and about five financial advisors. They were “non believers” in social media, and yet they had agreed to a meeting to learn about LinkedIn marketing.

Well, they took turns going around the table, grilling me and making subtly jerkish comments. They were overly argumentative and unfair, refusing to answer my questions directly. At times they were mocking me. I just took it in stride and hung it there, never throwing my hands up. Instead, I tried to understand the logic behind what they were saying, taking their mean comments point by point and ignoring how rude they were. I didn’t flinch and fought back with logic and patience.

In the middle of the meeting, the head bully reversed course. My ability to hang in there won his respect. The secondary bullies had grown tired, and some had even left the meeting. By the end of the meeting, the head bully was enthralled by me and even admitted that he respected how I held steadfast. The deal was live again.

Seeeeeeee? He was testing me!

2. Shot down for a dumb reason

I got referred to this prospect who saw the value in what I do, but he shot me down because I am friends with someone he dislikes. After he found this out, he turned icy and mean, ignoring my follow-up attempts.

But I was unflappable. I knew he was being mean for a reason that was irrelevant. I focused on providing valuable follow-up emails that homed in on his needs and goals. I showered him with kindness and cheer. The prospect turned into a docile kitten, eating from my hand and lining the deal back up to be closed.

Seeeeeeee? The purity of the meanness makes them vulnerable, and easily able to be won over if handled confidently.

3. Jerked around by a jerk

There was this one prospect where we had the initial meeting, and he blew off me off afterwards. After several ignored or halfheartedly responded to emails, I finally got him on the phone. I was so shocked to have gotten through I blurted out what unfortunately sounded like a typical sales pitch.

“Dave (not his real name), so are we doing business here or what?” Kind of salesy, but my less direct communications in the past had gotten no response.

To which he replied, “No, we’re not. And here’s why. I have no idea what value you provide.”

Ouch.

Logically, I could see his point. But it was highly unfair for him to say that, given I had been trying to explain precisely that in my past follow-up attempts.

Dave then proceeded to rattle off a list of questions he had about my services and commanded me to furnish him with responses over email within three days – a bit jerkish considering he had been ignoring me for months.

But I didn’t flinch, I simply delivered the information in video format, going way beyond the information he asked me to provide.

He stopped blowing off my emails after that.

Seeeeeeee? His jerkiness was a cry for help. He was probably taken advantage of by someone in the past and didn’t want to fall to a slick sales pitch.

Sara’s upshot

It’s your societal obligation to stand up to bullying prospects. You can’t let them get away, because by doing so you are denying them the chance to get the services they need. If they are being mean to you, then they are being mean to their spouse, children, friends, everyone else who is trying to get them to seek help. Be the one to stand up and slay the dragon, and not only will your sales success increase, but you’ll be doing a good thing for the world.

If you want to work with me, here’s how.

I have an e-book and a membership where you can learn some creative, non-sleazy social media tactics.

I’m a consultant who helps people infuse creativity in their marketing. If you’re interested, please contact me.

If you are a flat fee advisor, advice-only planner, or just a believer in transparency, join our next Transparent Advisor Movement meetup.

Thanks for hanging tough with me, I’ll see you next month.

Note:

Any similarity to people living or deceased is entirely coincidental.

A message from Advisor Perspectives and VettaFi: To learn more about this and other topics, check out our most recent white papers.

Read more articles by Sara Grillo